It's my time.

Getting back to reality after a wonderful emotional and very positive 11days in Bangkok, this week has been a little full on.

First let's start with good news. Whilst we were still in Bangkok, our beautiful donor had her egg collection. I made up a care basket for her of comfort food, cause I know exactly how she would be feeling physically. 
An hour or so after her collection, we were hugging and discussing how hungry she was [ hence care basket :) ] then I asked her if she would like to know if we get a positive pregnancy, she said yes. I then asked if she would like to keep in contact with us, after the pregnancy, she said yes. With a lot of smiles, hugs  [which as a culture they aren't use to] and a lot of kiss' and an enormous amount of gratitude,  we parted hoping to see again  each other in 9months. :D

We decide to hang back that afternoon at the clinic and spend some time with our surrogate who was waiting for her scan with Dr Pisit. In that time we got to chat [ again through a translator ] I asked her how she was feeling and if she was nervous. She was so cool in her answer, "no". "I feel very comfortable with what I'm doing". 
Again, all I could do was hug her. I said, I'm nervous..... Her reply to me was,
" before I came to do this, I went to a temple, where you dress in white and for 5 days mediate......., this is right for me"
Without a doubt I can say, my heart melted. She was perfect in every way.

She asked if it was ok for her to take some photos with us. So we had a little photo shoot, even Dr Pisit jumped in on a few. 
We said our goodbyes, and hope that we see each other in 9 months.
All was on tract with our surrogate, lining was correct, and our donor had 17 eggs collected. 

Things are looking and for the first time ever, feel really good.
I remember saying to V, how much I feel like I'm at home here in Bangkok.
The energy the feeling of comfort you get form walking into your own home after a long day at work. That's the kind of feeling we had while in Bangkok.
We have returned home and we waited for our day 3 embryo results.

Day 3 embryos, 13 matured of the 17. Now that's good numbers! 
Can i Breath a little easier now.....well no, not just yet. You see we still have to get to day 5. thank god DrPisit and I share this same view. Grow an embryo to day 5 blastostis.

Now, growing to a day 5 blastostis stage embryo  means in basic english that the embryos that are not strong, or viable will cease to develop.
There are still no guarantees, however, there is a stronger chance of pregnancy.

So we are in our last week of the "2 week wait" and all that runs through my mind is, the reality.... this may not work. I've already in my head got a back up plan....... But there are 2 sides to a coin. Why shouldn't this work?? I know I have strength to overcome anything that is put in my path, I know exactly how to pick myself up. what to say to myself to dust myself off. What to do to make it through the days that follow. I know, cause I've been and done and I'm still fighting. But I have a new mantra.
This is my time.