Snap, Crackle & Pop

 Not just a chocolate cereal......


Snap.
Monday last week looked to be a normal day, lunch with a dear Friend, shop running like a well oiled machine, hitting it hard at the gym, only the call from VFS saying that my hubby needed a letter from Greek embassy saying that they acknowledge Surrogacy kind of sent me into a spin. Obviously, we are not applying for Greek citizenship, just Australian, and they have that letter from the Australian High commission. And the law states that ONLY ONE parent need be of Australian citizen for baby to enter the country by genetic decent.
Now, those who have applied for Surrogacy Visa know that on the application it dose not ask if you are doing a donor transfer. All it states is whether you are undergoing surrogacy. So there was no mention of us going down the donor path, so why when we as a couple my husband was not given a Med Visa.??

Crackle.
Over the next 3 days the amount of time i spent on hold, the amount of money i spent in calling VFS (who are in my opinion are brainless) and the amount of people i said these words to.....
The law states that ONLY ONE parent need be of Australian citizen for baby to enter the country by genetic decent. I truly lost count of.
I called Meg, from Surrogacy Conceptions,who was my CM in India. Cause sometimes, its better to have someone act on you behalf, clearly not everything is a smooth ride. She was told i should prepare a Statutory Declaration, stating that we are applying as a couple, V is my spouse of 8yrs, and the letter from Greece is not necessary as we will NOT be applying for baby visa through Greece, and the Australian High commission letter is attached to application.  So that afternoon that's what i did.

PoP. 
after ALOT [ and that's putting it mildly ] of back and forth between Melbourne, Sydney consulate, Adelaide Sydney VFS back to Melbourne [where they had no record of his application, but i just spoke with them the day before about it...ugh] and finally Sydney, and, not to mention a GREAT deal of screaming and swearing. We were denied my hubby's med visa. Now we could very well ship over his "stuff"  and all would be the same.  BUT as I've said before, Listening to the universe. All we want is a family. IT SHOULDN'T BE SO HARD. So i simplified it. Thursday afternoon we were told no from VfS. By Friday, i was with our NEW clinic in Thailand ALL IVF.  YEP......Thailand baby!!!!
Thanks to Meg from surrogacy Conceptions, i now have a donor, surrogate and a date of travel, we will be ready to rock n roll by the end of September.

Do i have the time, energy, or care factor to fight a government who's only consistent path in all this time is a proven  path of inconsistencies. My family dreams are not to be determined by a bunch of bureaucratic numbnuts. nor should i put off my dream to fight a battle depending on a whether the case officer that picked up my documents is in a good mood. India is not the only country that can offer us a family, that we so dearly desire.

We Greeks have alot of Saints in our religion. One of My favourite Saints is Fanouri. You pray to him if you've lost or trying to find something. A friend an i used to say his name and just "put it out there" every time we looked for a parking space. and would you know it would work almost every time. She and i would always be amused by that.
My mum, rang me on Wednesday to come pick up food [ Greek mums :) ] and she had baked a cake. She said this is for you, to help you find your way. When you eat it say this prayer and Thank Saint Fanouri....Truth, i didn't think too much of it. Then she in her high pitch voice said. DO IT!
The following day, after all the screaming with VFS, that feeling of this doesn't feel right anymore hit me, and i can say that honestly, the energy pulling me toward Thailand was very comfortable.

 I'm blessed that my family care and are supportive. Telling them that India is a no go,was easy. The only question i got was my brother asked me why we didn't choose Thailand from the beginning. 
When you make a decision with all the information given to you, you go with what suits you best. The key factor for us, was that In India is our baby would be born Stateless and with our names on the birth certificate. Thailand, the baby is born with our surrogates name on the birth certificate. 
All we have to do now is apply for a parental order, and have our names as our child's legal parents.

A beautiful dear friend taught me the word "compromise". 
if this is what it takes, then is just another thing im happy to "let go" of.

14 days...

Almost time to jump on that plane. And with that count down happening there come a list of

decisions that come with that.

Honestly, im scared to make these decisions, V will listen to the "good and bad" but will not decide or give his opinion, as he feels this is one of the only things that we as IPs can control. And my sense of "lack" of control can be reversed by whatever actual choice we have.

1 ~ Do we allow embryos to grow to a day 3 or allow then to grow to a day 5 blastocyst stage before we transfer?

2 ~ Do we transfer 1,2,3,4 embryos into our beautiful surrogate?

3 ~ Do we choose more than one surrogate?

These 3 questions i semi know the answers too. However i also know the risks involved.

1.....Clinic will most times push for day 3 transfer. Allowing embryo to grow in a "natural" environment.

In saying that a day 5 will allow the embryo to develop into a blastocyst stage which shows that the little bean is developing nicely and is strong, even if not in a "natural" environment 

2....... Firstly the health and care of a surrogate is the most important thing. 

Here in Oz you are never allowed to transfer more than 2 embryos. During an IVF cycle In India we can transfer up to 4 embryos.

I have done this, and transferred my 4 embryos into one beautiful woman. however mine are duds, so just hoping 1 would stick.

Now i have an amazing woman donating her golden eggs. and im now wondering that 4 is alot.

mainly because she is fertile, and the risk of a multiple birth is a risk to both surrogate and babies.

At this point in my mind, im thinking 2 embryos to transfer, as it is a safe protocol here in Oz. 

However, what if one splits....then we have 3? Not that i don't want 3 babies, bring it on...but my God what about the surrogate, her health, and of course our babies health....so maybe just 1 embbie, and if that splits then twins are still a risk but more, manageable.

3......The fact is we will have some of V "stuff" on ice, so is a second surrogate needed now.

i guess we can have 2 surrogates, and only 1 embryo in each...

All this on a Sunday morning.......im not sure if i should be making myself a coffee, or a cocktail.!!

Pin the tail on the donkey....

Slowly the clock tics. The seconds seem to take just a little longer than usual.  Stalking my own email for any sign of change is my latest pass time.

Dramatic hu.......well......pfft!  This week almost broke me. All i want is just get my family started and im at a point where i don't want to jump any more hoops. [even though I will, even if they were on fire ]

 VFS now have a new box for us to tick when applying for visa. Now you must tick the ART SURROGACY VISA, it really isn't any different, as apparently in your passport it will state Medical Visa.

We are also in the process of apply for Citizenship for hubby. This is the only way our baby can enter the country. As Baby can only get Australian visa by decent.

On Monday to get NEW ART SURROGATE VISA a whole day of back and forth of emails to explain to Corion what is needed. Then once Ive collect everything run to JP to certify. Then JP wanted to hear my story!??!....like i have all the time in the world to explain 9 yrs to him. I told him. too long to explain ill give u my book once im done. ;) then he wanted the original contract of Surro agreement not the photo copy. Ugh! With alot of whatever Bullshit that came out of my mouth, he finally signed the documents. I then take them back to VFS who there told me now must wait for pre approval,[ new method ] which will take 4-5 working days. And they will call me to then take them hubby's passport for visa. So a total of approx 10 working days till we have visa in hands. Fine. Although im Still waiting for the phone call. 

Tuesday and I'm already mentally exhausted . At the same time we are applying for citizenship for my hubby. Ringing Greek embassy that only work hours that are "whenever they please system" trying to sort out a penal clearance form. That apparently is like asking for gold. It's August in Greece and Summer, this means everyone's on holidays. So making calls in between Greece stuff and citizenship office to ask  if this form is really needed. After 5 long phone calls with one question to 5 different people who gave me 5 different answers, I decided to go straight to the immigration & citizenship office  only to be told that hubby can't apply for citizenship at this time because he was away for more that 90 days last year because his father died in Greece. He can apply at the end of October. Cause it's cutting it short as we leave in September for donor path. Right about now I walked out with tears. And went straight to the gym and kicked the hell out of the boxing bag.

Wednesday, i was depleted. No energy to do anything or be around anyone. Phone and computer stayed off  the whole day, i could not cope with any update. Good or bad.

Thursday I decided to yell at someone since I had spoken to a billion people about this and not one mentioned we couldn't apply now. The lady I spoke with said since we have been married and in Australia for 8yrs we can apply for spouse discretion. It apparently covers the time he was away.
Dumb ass couldn't tell me this last time i was there.
I went to JP to have the spouse discretion certified. Only to be told by him that he needs to see the original marriage certificate. Grrrrr!!!!![ insert a lot of swear words]
So I've decided to wing it and go back to citizenship office without JP signature. I'm here with all the paperwork they have asked for as well as the spouse discretion. And hoping they don't ask for anything more because I may just slap them!
The game pin the tail on the donkey...well....feeling like that at the moment. Just not sure if I'm the one pining the tail or the donkey!?!

........At least i have choices

it real does say it all.

I tell you....the universe loves to just always keep me on my toes.


When looking for an egg donor i cant say that i had numbered my top 3 in an order of preference.
It was just an order because someone had to be on the top of the list.
When my number 1 was not available the month of September, because she had just donated and each woman after an egg collection should wait 3 months before starting another cycle. [ should mention that the 3 month wait is in India not here in Oz]
And my number 2 decided that she wanted to add to her own family....i did start to feel like i couldn't catch a break, then my number 3 was confirmed and baby i was all smiles.
Well since my last post, my confirmed donor had to change date because of work commitments.
[ insert a lot of swear words ] and it would be a lie if i tell you i was ok with that.....but after a few hours of cooking because it helps take my mind off things, i emailed Corion and asked them for more profiles.
Because now 36 women to choose from became overwhelming i took a break form looking at beautiful women and trying to decide whether i choose a proven donor [ someone who's egg have ended in a successful pregnancy ] or a first time donor. I narrowed it down to two women, asked a beautiful friend for some advise who also has chosen a donor and has two healthy beautiful children and i went off to cook.

A little later at 12 midnight i looked at both profiles and went with the one who i felt a connection with who also happened to be the proven donor.
I should mention  that in the overwhelming state i was in, i asked Corion what the success rates of proven donor compared to first timer were. and damn i must say that their response was very professional and perfect. ~"Let me tell you when a woman volunteers to be a donor we do their screening which includes hormonal profile as well an antral follicle count. When we stimulate a new donor we would have speculated her response. Its a rare thing that a new donor gives a poor response and in case we suspect that we immediately cancel the cycle and do not charge you for that.
Also, every proven donor has donated sometime for the first time and taking a proven or a new donor does not change the success rate ~"  it didn't sway my choice.....but it did easy any doubts i had, and for that i am grateful.

So we now await to hear dates for travel.
Honestly, I cant wait to start this road. Im not excited, nor doubtful. Im not fearful, or stressed. Im realistic.
This path is new, and success is high, but just as the notion of success is prominent the possibility of this not working first time is also a possibility.
So when asked am i excited........well no. Excitement didn't get me anywhere the last 9yrs. Im realistic, knowing that if i Persist & Trust in myself, then one day i'll have my baby.

Just to add to the emotion of last weekends challenges the  Mary Coustas Story on 60mins had most of us in tears, for some it was an emotion of empathy for me it was i feeling i related to. Somehow sharing  that feeling of "living in a horror movie" as she put it ever so delicately, has kept a smile on my face. Not because of her pain....My God i don't wish that feeling of Pain, lose, failure for anyone...EVER!, but Knowing that an all time legend in the Australia Greek community has gone through the egg donor path and is pregnant. Damn That's real. And, so amazing. Only thing is questions that now arise from people who I've told is why didn't we choose Greece for egg donor.? The simple answer to that is,Mary had a donor egg transferred into her. We need a surrogate and a donor. Greece don't offer for my standard a grate surrogacy program like India do.
And on that note.....it's such a shame that India have taken the position they have in regard to Foreigners and surrogacy in their country, its clearly discrimination, it also looks like same sex couples may need to look to Thailand as the laws look like they will become not untouchable, but difficult for same sex couples also.

This is just speculation on my part, but words that keep being thrown around by ministers is enough to have me concerned. I remember talking to a Doctor in India 6 months ago....and it seemed these new laws were then only a puff of smoke. I say........where there's smoke, there's fire.

Dear India, WTF!!!

It seems as though India are tying the knot. ON A NOOSE FOR SOME FOREIGNERS!!

this is the latest article published today.

http://www.livemint.com/Politics/ZsS2zs7KvqHlk4FCguW0EN/Draft-surrogacy-Bill-bars-homosexuals-livein-couples.html

i still am unsure of what the last part means, about the contacts between IPs and Surrogates???

The only certain thing is that India will see MUCH less foreigners and Thailand will be the preferred
country of choice for Surrogacy.
Because what some people in Government don't seem to understand either because they have not experienced obstacles in their lives or they are just that dumb. Is that the desire to be a parent is so overwhelming that when you have that feeling, the Intended Parent WILL travel to the ends of the earth to make it happen.

Donor has been Confirmed.

With the email that sent me into a state of excitement, then 5 mins later a state of panic.

Our donor has been confirmed, and dates will be sent out to when we will be able to travel.
At this stage its looking like end of September. We need to sort out whether it will just be V travelling or,
if also go.....so September works fines for us.

I'm telling you this. Panic is reality slapping you in the face.
Over the past few days i've been distant from everyone. Keeping the news of our confirmed donor to myself,
when i started to tell one or two people, their excitement was more than mine. Its been a week or so now,
and the waves between excitement and sadness come and go. And i still haven't told my family.

Corion have been wonderful, as we know questions just keep coming to me. It seems my brain wont shut down even when its meant to like when im sleeping. Cause for some strange reason i wake up at 1am with a list of questions for the clinic, and cause im me, i email them my questions at 1am.

One of the questions that had me up was in the agreement we signed, it states that the donor is assured to produce at least 8 egg during a stimulation cycle.
Seriously how can they give this type of assurance and what if the donor doesn't produce 8 eggs!?
Thankfully the response was quick and sufficient -  'we assure you a minimum of 8 eggs. In case the donor's response is poor, we cancel the cycle and do not charge you for the stimulation. We will then offer you some other donor.'  See this is what a good clinic should do. However surly im not the only one who see 8 eggs guaranteed and questions it. Why don't they write all this information in the agreement?

When i look back as to where we stared from trying to have a baby through IVF (which im still recovering from...ugh) to letting go of that idea, to finding a beautiful surrogate to carry our baby, to letting go of that idea, to finding a donor. + a surrogate...... F%#K ME! all this in 10 months... no wonder my liver and kidneys haven't recovered. LOL

When we finally get a positive result im going to have a little party, (the big party will be after the 12 weeks)
 i kid you not..... but there will be Lots of Bubbles!

How do you pick a donor ???

Things don't always go with the plan that you've set in you mind. But the one thing I've realised is that the universe will provide exactly what you need, and exactly when you need it. I truly believe that. All you have to do is learn to read the signs.

After a few weeks of reading stats, talking to people, research and once again feeling like i live on a different planet to people around me, we have chosen our clinic. And this time we'll be travelling to Mumbai, as that's where Dr Kadam from Corion is.
I haven't done much research on Mumbai at the moment,......... im just gunna take a stab in the dark and say that, that update will be in the following blog post. ;)
But......Corion has a cool modern feel to it, it provides surrogate care and accommodation which was very important to me. And the hospital that baby is born in has amazing care, and the newest equipment for all baby needs if needs are necessary.
How do i know this....its all part of the research i did.
Talk to people that have been, seen, and are going through baby pick up, and even those who have had some baby complication.

I skyped with Dr Kadam  a few weeks ago and she won me over. You see i look for a connection with my Doctors simply because if i pick up on the fact they are Media hungry, or looking at you as a Lab rat or just a Dollar sign....well...... I don't intend to put my self through that again. It's called Lesson Learnt!
There are a lot of Options in India not just one or two clinic's like here in my home town.
And lets no forget that ive been on this path for nearly a year now, been and seen India, know how to, what not to and what to ask, and look for. But most importantly i now know lots of people who have been and are in the process of surrogacy and if i miss anything.......they got my back!  

When i sent the email to Dr Kadam, that we were changing directions and that our new path is in the land of donor egg. Her reply was warm and very sincere, saying...... that must have been a difficult decision but understands what a sacrifice like that means so that we can finally have our family.

The following day after i sent the email to Dr Kadam, the Dr in charge of the donor program emailed me
with a list of profile of 15 women.

what these profile consisted of was a picture of the woman, her age, height,weight, marital status, blood type, how many times pregnant, how many kids she has, religion, skin colour, and lots of medical blood codes....that all stated nil. and whether they are educated.
I thought that education was a main point for me, but as it turned out it wasn't.....basically because firstly, i didn't go to university, and i don't consider myself any less that a doctor or lawyer. Secondly, they could be the bright person there is, but because of financial or religious or really just life, they were not able to continue with further education, so No, that is not a factor in choosing our egg donor.
Overall the information that has been provided by Corion is enough to help you choose. However, being the Nit picking person that i am......i needed more.

The few things they didn't state were big questions for me.

1...have they done this before?

2...if they had, then had it developed into a successful pregnancy?

3....do they smoke?

4...if they are a continuous donor, how long do they have to wait before they go through another cycle?

For me, its important that they have their own children, and that they have done and been a proven successful donor, and that they do not smoke.

When i received the profiles i sat down with V and we looked over them. Then i asked him to help me pick. He took a deep breathe and said no. He'd like me to pick, but if i couldn't and found it difficult then yes, then he'll help.
Honestly, at first i was shocked he said no........but then i realised why he was a little uncomfortable. It was about me.  How do you pick a woman to have your baby? and that's why he felt like he couldn't choose.

So..........how do I pick a woman to have my husbands baby??
[ you should know that im writing this sentence and smiling ] I know very well that the baby born is and will always be MY child...no doubt. It's that simple.... the end.
I called on a beautiful friend...SD. knowing completely she would understand..... i had a top 2, we looked at all factors, we were blown away by these women's beauty, and she made me laugh through out the whole process, which i thought was going to be tough, but.....adding a little humour to it i eventually decided, and showed my hubby.
I sent the email, and..........donor number 1 wasn't available the month that we wanted to travel. Hence the universe. My old ways would have been to take control, and do anything to make it happen, but.....the new me is happy to say, that donor number 2, and 3, are still available and a decision will be made soon.

You see im in a good place in my life. I wouldn't change any part of my life with anything or anyone. The journey i've been given is for a reason, im still a little unclear as to what, but,  it is what it is, and im happy with who i am. who i've become and who i've met and continue to meet.

The reality is, It's Life.........you never know what each day will bring....but....i for one can say its not boring.
And im in love with the dream of what could, can and will be.