3 wonderful women & 1 special woman

Husband still overseas. Everything felt so surreal. Cant believe we are doing this. Surrogacy.
Another woman carrying our baby. Truth is. I was mad. Mad that I couldn't do this. But more so  that we didn't think about surrogacy earlier. Time wasted on ivf.

Opening my email and seeing Surrogate profiles. Man. Sh!t just got real.
Reading through all 4 profiles, looking at the photos that were attached. How to choose?.
There was a transfer date set,  And that was in 4 days... Couldn't wait till the morning to share with V.
I showed my family and a friend. We all leaned toward the woman who's smile was inviting. Lame, but its what felt right., Except for the amount of children she had compared to the others and their diet& age  the profiles were kind of the same. All i wanted was V to help me pick.

Finally I got hold of V. Clearly the face of these women had no real base on our decision.
All women are at the same stage, are healthy and are in the "right form" medically to have the embryos transferred.
We based our decision on that the surrogate a year ago gave birth through the surrogacy program to twins. This appealed to us,  as we were transferring four embryos there was a chance she could fall pregnant with twins, triplets , but the chances of all four taking was very low.
Done. Decision made!!

Transfer date came. All four embryos survived the thawing. All four were transferred.
HOPES WERE HIGH! Embryos survived boat trip & survived thawing. The signs were good!!

All I heard from those who knew is "it's your time" " be positive".... oh and baby I was on cloud 7.5, not cloud 9, cause I still had to remain grounded, still had to remain real. Things can go wrong, but come on! It looked positive.

So the 2 week wait began. Thank you to some beautiful people, the time passed.
 No emails to say, anything bad in that time.

Then the day arrived. The surrogate had her blood test. Now we wait. More waiting.
I didn't get an email till 7pm.
.........Unfortunately the hcg levels showed a negative pregnancy...... Some beautiful words were written as to how sorry the clinic was.
The blood rushed from my head. Not. Good.

Everything just got hard again.